One of the ways in which people try to effect change is through bullying. The act of bullying can be physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual. There are three aspects of bullying: being the bully, being bullied, stopping bullying when you see it.

I have been bullied. I have prevented bullying from continuing. I am hopeful that the stress of the world will not let me fall prey to bullying anyone into doing what I think is in their best interests. Or mine.

In my professional life, I have had occasion to deal with bullies in the work place. In those situations, when I stand up to bullies, I expect to get slimed. When bullies try to defend their behavior, they will turn on those trying to prevent that behavior. They will accuse you, call you names to your face and behind your back, and try to undercut you and your authority in every way possible. To defend against that, we role model, praise their good behavior, and set boundaries of what is permissible and and what is not. And we are prepared to be slimed.

In my personal life, I have been bullied. In those situations, I am dealing with friends and family. Being bulled is painful. I do not expect to be slimed and it hurts.

The question of the day is “Are we just more aware of bullying or is it on the rise?”

In this world of social media, anonymity allows many to feel powerful and free to say whatever they wish. That anonymity engenders hateful and anti-social speech with little or no fear of consequence or reprisals.

So, what is the danger to you and me? It’s that if we are constantly bombarded by bullying around us, we run the risk of falling prey to bullying anyone into doing something we think they ought to do.

Fortunately, there are five touchstones that will keep us from becoming the bully we never thought we’d be.

1. Bullies don’t take responsibility, they place blame. When we find ourselves in a blaming mode, shift toward ownership. Recognize that things might be at least partly our fault, take ownership of our part, and accept the responsibility to make change.

2. Bullies use force, resist force, and do not practice humility. When we find ourselves pushing to get people to agree with us or follow what we think is a really great idea, we should step back. Shift from righteous to engaging. Realize that our previous efforts have produced results that were the opposite of our intentions. Be humble.

3. Bullies tell people what to do, they never ask. When we find ourselves giving lectures and providing step-by-stop instructions that seem to have the force of God behind them, we might be better served by asking questions. Consciously begin with open-ended questions that are blameless, earnest requests for information. That will begin the process of improving communications and move us off the path of bullying.

4. Bullies are never wrong and are not open to change. When we find ourselves consistently believing no one else knows the right things to do or the correct way to behave, we are firmly in the grip of judging. Shift to supporting, listen without bias, and suspend judgment. We often find that the right way is now free to blossom on its own.

5. Bullies don’t believe we are capable. They are certain everything we do is doomed to failure. When we abandon doubt and negative language and replace them with the power of positive expectation, we discover that people will succeed. When we believe they can, they will.

How do you feel about bullying?

Do you see it around you?

Do you see it in yourself?

To what extent are you willing to go to prevent bullying in the workplace?

In your family?

In all aspects of your personal life?

Leslie