“In the darkest of times, have faith and ask for support,
and the light of hope, friendship, and help will appear. “
— Leslie Yerkes
I don’t have too many seriously emotionally hard weeks. I am not afraid of hard work or challenging situations. This week, however, the events that can take me to my lowest and to my highest happened in the same time span.
Have you ever had a similar experience? Debilitating stress and crisis and great joy colliding?
Thank heavens for the simultaneous collision.
Though, in the middle of this mess, it got messier.
I confess. I lost it. It was not pretty.
I discovered that I, too, have triggers and if the right ones are hit — being without sleep and another person being threatened — I can find my inner ‘Incredible Hulk’. I share this because I aspire to self-awareness and self-control and have learned that I can play on under great duress. But I also discovered that when I am pushed to the limits of my physical and emotional edges, I too will break.
The week started on a high with a three-day workshop at Pebble Ledges Ranch – one of my favorite places to work and play. Facilitating with my colleagues Jackie Lowe-Stevenson and Kathy Telban, we guided a group of seeking leaders through an experience meant to ignite their inspiration, hold their personal visions, ground them in their strengths, renew their spirit, and create community. Working at the ranch with these facilitators, a herd of horses, a pack of friendly dogs, and the natural world to create new ears and eyes for seeing the world, I started my week brimming and grounded.
It was after I picked up my dogs at the kennel that my world started to spin.
Eleven-year-old Brindle Boxer Buddha Bear and his sidekick, Crook the Curious French Bulldog, were happy to come home and snuggle into bed. At 10:30 pm from a deep sleep, Buddha Bear had his first seizure. Scary and heart-stopping for us both. At 1:30 am, he seized again. I know about seizures and could tell that this was serious. I stayed up all night and made my plan for intervening in the morning. At 9:30 am he had a third seizure before we could get to the vet. Dearest Crook was by his side the whole time and while I whispered loving, comforting words in his ears.
We spent the day at the vet. Tests were run. A brain scan has been planned. He is on heavy meds and the seizures are being held at bay while I hold my breath and watch over my pack at night.
I am good in a crisis, but I now know why physicians aren’t meant to provide care to their own families. It is hard to keep medical focus.
For the first time in my life, I sent up the signal for needing help. I have been very slow to learn this important lesson. I am more comfortable giving than receiving. Yet the balance of the two makes for stronger relationships. I have learned that this week.
My goal was to make it through each night without Buddha Bear having another seizure. And have our days go on with quiet well-being.
Our plans included welcoming the newest member of our pack family into the cottage. Little man, Minster, named in tribute to his breeder Dad and my friend Miguel, who leads in a stamping plant (Minster Presses are big and strong and work hard), was delivered to our home on Friday.
I was worried that this might make the situation more unstable, but the vet and other friends reassured me that it would not.
This proved to be true. Minster is a bundle of energy and love. He snuggles with Buddha Bear and Crook. Crook is taking the lead in guiding him into the routine. Buddha Bear gets to lay back and rest, I to laugh and play, and Nala — the dog-confident kitty — watches over us all.
On Saturday, I took Minster with me to a book signing at Ganley Subaru to celebrate Subaru Dog Days. At this event, the Cuyahoga County Adoption Shelter brought three dogs for adoption. Mister was the Ambassador of Love, Advocate for Rescuing Animals, Car Salesman, and Snuggle Buddy. I think we both have found our passion.
Friends stayed at the cottage to watch over Buddha Bear and Crook while we moved through the world, championing kindness, dog-rescue, and adoption; and just plain old good works.
This was a balm for a tough week made more difficult by a trying neighborhood conflict, which is when my self-control failed.
As I write this, it is now early on Sunday morning and the week is behind us. Ahead a fresh week to reset and recommit to being who I want to be in all situations.
I am in the phase of finding the learning in the experience and repairing the damage (including my own self-care). The real lessons are learned in the hardest moments.
How was your week?
How are you making your way through the highs and lows?
The cottage is filled with love. If you need a little four-footed therapy let’s plan a visit. Say a prayer for my best-friend Buddha Bear.
I am learning to ask for help.
Leslie
“We mistakenly fall prey to the myth that successful people are those that help rather than need,
and broken people need rather than help.”
— Brené Brown
Rising Strong
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