“It becomes very obvious, by reading a dog,
how stable or unstable his human companion is. Our dogs are our mirrors.”
― Cesar Millan
• Do you have strange conversations when making long solo drives?
• How do you use that time alone?
• Has your car turned into an extension of your office?
I joined the millions who were traveling during the Thanksgiving holiday. I prefer to make the trip by car. I leave when I want to, make several stops, and try to visit new places along the way (or at least add them to my bucket list). I listen to the news, to music, and occasionally a book on tape. Mostly, I think. I give my mind a task and start making my notes on the steering wheel.
I know, it doesn’t sound very safe. I do want to be a safe driver and make it to my destination in one piece.
After I worked my mental task, searched Sirus XM for a fun station, and started to run out of ways to occupy my mind…. random thoughts began to emerge.
I am confident that there is a scientific explanation for this phenomenon. It is a little like dreaming while awake. My subconscious throws me a thought to ponder.
What came through on this long drive was: ‘I am nobody’s boss.’
Hmmmmmmmmmmm
Does this reflect this phase of my career? My age? The great changes in our work environments (I no longer have a formal, off-site office.) Or my status as a single person?
It is a strange, random thought. I wouldn’t ever say I was the boss of anyone. The word boss is so passé. I don’t think I have ever said the phrase, except to reflect it to someone, ‘You are not the boss of me.’ (Always said silently to myself in certain situations.)
I chose to follow the strange thought trail to find out where it might take me.
I am the boss of me.
I accept the responsibility for me. For my actions and my reactions. I continue to work on becoming the best version of me who travels through the world shouldering her responsibilities and trying to embrace all there is to learn and to contribute.
I am learning not to take on the responsibility of others.
I accept that I am in relationship with those with whom I work, serve as a consultant, support as a coach, share friendship, and am known as family. However, I am not the boss of any of them.
Hopefully, all of these relationships are very adult-to-adult, reciprocal partnerships treated with positive regard and respect.
Maybe I was having this conversation with myself as I was about to enter the world of my family dynamics which is ripe with the history of power exchanges and funky role assignments. I was psyching myself up to be a contributor, appreciator, positive, and loving person to my family and in-laws.
Maybe I should start repeating the phrase, ‘I am nobody’s boss.’ as a mantra to prepare for the interactions.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love traditional recipes. I have fond memories and many Facebook photo posts of times together sharing. Thanksgiving was my mother’s big holiday. My family continues the traditions each year with familiar recipes, table settings and routines. Over the years the family has grown, incorporated new spouses and children, and added to the traditions.
The long weekend also throws a funky family into close proximity where the ‘cracks and character’ show up. We rarely gather without some outburst around our differences arising.
• I can’t be the only one who has this experience. Am I?
Were my ruminations a reflection of my moderate anxiety about navigating the tidal pools of family dynamics?
I will be the boss of my actions and reactions, I counsel myself.
I will choose to be a leader vs. a boss, behaving with my values and leading if needed.
I will stand up, speak up, and show up as the best version of me, supporting others to find their voice and place.
If anything, I will not be a boss but rather the influencer as role model for inclusionary, loving, fun, and thoughtful actions.
This is the one opportunity to be with my entire family each year. How will I use the time together? How will I leave a positive impression and not a tangle that will take time to untangle?
Man, a long drive makes for some deep thinking.
My work life and personal life are so blended that the language of the two worlds collide.
I will be a manager of any task given to me in the production of the big meal.
I will be a worker-bee and accept all that is delegated.
I will join each family grouping and participate in their worlds…football with the nephews-in-law, playtime with the great nieces and nephews, and kind conversation with my sister, brother-in-law, and nieces. I will take an interest in their lives, get to know them again and find our common ground.
We are a team that takes to the field once a year to produce a grand production that either will have a happy ending or will crash and burn.
Still, it is my favorite holiday.
• Can you relate?
Maybe there is no need for a boss in this picture at all.
And no need for me to be bossy ever!
Enough of the navel-gazing.
I think that I have circled this topic too long. The news on the radio is very sobering as hostages are being exchanged in countries where serious challenges are a reality.
The son of Elie Wiesel, in a broadcast interview, suggests that we make a seat at our table for someone who is not safe or home at the moment.
I ask permission to include and say aloud the names of those waiting for release before we enjoy our feast. We have so very much for which to be grateful.
The reality of more serious hardships in the world chases away my goofy mind chatter.
In the end, it was wonderful getting together. I would like to think that I put my boss away and came to the gathering just as me. I am not a job title, position, or my work-life persona.
Maybe I could put those things away when I’m working as well. And just show up as me — a hard-working, caring, learning, adult who wants to find a way to contribute and uplift.
We are launched into a month of holidays and events, all of which are supposed to be filled with joy and good cheer.
I know that it is all very paradoxical. There will be both goodwill and glad tidings, as well as weighty concerns and hardships weaving their way through the season.
I want to embrace both the light and dark of our times and the fullness of myself and you in our world.
When we connect it will be just me and you carrying ourselves forward.
Leslie
P.S. Don’t hesitate to call me out should the bossy me appear.
“I am grateful for all the moments that I have,
and I’m moving forward one step at a time
to the future.”
— Park Bo-gum
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