No Hiding from the Hard Stuff

“All I really wanted to do was cuddle back under the blankets,
maybe with a certain stuffed toy penguin I knew.
Yeah, hiding sounded good.”

— Laurell K. Hamilton

When hard stuff happens, and it seems so undeserved, I often say: “Life isn’t easy — or always fair.” That doesn’t make the situation any less hard or console in any way. But it is the reality of living and I have learned it cannot be avoided.

However, in the middle of ‘the hard’ that knowledge offers no comfort.

In the middle of ‘the hard’ you will need to find the strength to walk through. I am in that moment right now.

In most crisis, I don’t lack courage. I walk toward tough situations. I am the girl you want by your side when the going gets tough. I know how to support and work my way through physical and mental challenges. But for every person there are situations they will not be able to handle alone or with steely, clear-headed focus.

I have met mine.

But this is my soft spot. This is my situation that makes me want to take action — while at the same time hide and bury myself. My primal ‘fight or flight’ response is in high gear.

• Have you ever met your ‘Go to Ground’ situation?

I coach myself to keep moving, stay steady, quiet my mind and slow my motion; do just one thing at a time, pause to count my blessings, breathe, and stay clear on the priority in front of me.

I even write down these reminders and return to the list when my mind fails to function.

The care of my senior dog, Buddha Bear, has been my priority. He has been my wingman since 2010 when I discovered this puppy bundle at the concierge desk in my condo building. I love dogs. I had always wanted another but my professional lifestyle prevented me from having the responsibility of a pet. And yet, I knew how wonderful and enriching my life would be with the unconditional love of a dog. So, when this match was handed to me, my life was forever changed.

Initially named Bear for his brindle brown coat, he earned his full name Buddha Bear because he has the continence of the Buddha. He can change the emotional state of anyone he meets and naturally wants to offer support and consolation to all. He asked to be a working dog and there have been many times when I recognized he was the better consultant in our partnership.

He helped me rescue Big Boy, being with me every step of the way. Six months later, he became my partner in caring for my mother, Betsi. He slept by her side each night and alerted me to her every need. He traveled with me, vacationed on Cape Cod with glee, shared the loss of Big Boy to cancer, and walked and ran the beach of Lake Erie in all seasons. He gave leadership to new family members of two French bulldogs and a dog-confident kitty, and helped me to shower my senior friends with love. Buddha Bear is my best friend. Oh, what a good friend he has been.

So today, I must find the courage to be his best friend and make hard decisions.

Some of my friends have said, “This is why I will never have a pet again. The good-byes are too hard.”I understand. Another friend told me last night he made his way through this same journey by remembering the years of joy and every moment of love and devotion his dog gave to him while at the same time breathing through the pain of the present grief. I will hold onto his words this morning and keep working my list — keep moving, pause and be quiet, one thing at a time, happy thoughts, remember the pain being felt throughout the world, and pray for everyone’s hardship, breathe . . .

I do and don’t know the ending of this story. I am not there yet. The one thing I need to do is know what I need to do in the moment and not play too far ahead. I will stop and go by Buddha Bear’s side and enjoy his company, tell him how much I love and appreciate him. And just sit.

To make the hard easier and the complex more understandable, I often resort to the use of metaphors. Life is a continuous series of hills, mountains, and valleys. Each situation is a passage through a valley or the attempt at a summit. Either may be very hard and challenging. Most we live through. Today is my Everest and I am struggling. I will need additional resources, Sherpa guides to help me navigate and courage.

• Can you relate?

• Have you met your Everest?

I go back to my list — one foot in front of the other, breathe, stay by Buddha’s side, maintain my perspective, let the tears flow, ask for help, pray, breathe, cherish the moment, and try to be present. I cannot run up this hill or make it go away.

I write because I have no voice to my words. I am searching for my inner voice. I appreciate your listening and sharing this moment.

I have grown comfortable with hard decisions and hard work. This decision and difficult action is much harder than most because there is no dialogue. Buddha Bear can’t share his voice and needs with me in words. I have to trust him and myself to carry the full weight of this decision because he would loyally go further down the road with me – pain or no pain, seizures or no seizures.

Is the truest definition of love and leadership when you make the most difficult call and put another’s need before your own?

Leslie

“Your suffering needs to be respected. Don’t try to ignore the hurt, because it is real.
Just let the hurt soften you instead of hardening you. Let the hurt open you instead of closing you.
Let the hurt send you looking for those who will accept you
instead of hiding from those who reject you.”

— Bryant McGill